What’s the worst thing about divorce?

I’ve talked to many people who are separated and/or divorced, and they all have different things that are their ‘worsts’.  For me, its sleep… or more importantly, how I sleep.

For 27 years, I slept next to my mate, cuddled next to her, with my arm around her waist, over her breasts and my hand on her shoulder.  (Okay, so essentially we were spooning).  But that is how I have spent most of the last 9,855 nights, up until she moved out.  I haven’t slept well since then.  I have the same bed, and I purchased a similar pillow to the one she slept on, and another larger pillow that stays next to me.  Yeah, I know, its a bit odd, but that pillow is the surrogate her.

She stayed in the house for two months after the divorce was filed, as it was an amicable parting, and even in those two months, I felt good sleeping next to her.  I loved the feeling as we melted together into one in sleep.  Those of you who have been in close relationships know what I mean.  Even up until the final days of her moving out, holding her and cuddling while we slept still felt natural and good.

When she moved out, which was 3 months ago as of this writing, I didn’t sleep but a few hours for the first few weeks.  I’m doing a bit better, but I still haven’t had a decent nights sleep in several months.

It will probably take me a long long time to get comfortable sleeping alone.  After all, its hard to change a habit that one has done almost ten thousand times.

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