End of year musings

I know, its been a while since I’ve posted, but fall is the time of year when I am ultra busy, with my sports engagements, chorus engagements, and my work schedule has been unbelievably busy, with several weeks of 12-14 hour days 6-7 days a week.

Yeah, I’m a bit tired.

It’s been just a few weeks short of a year since she told me she wanted a divorce. I’ve made it through Thanksgiving (that was rough, since I had to work that day, and was unable to go out with friends), Christmas (I did spend with my girlfriend and her family), and about to start the new year.

I’m actually looking forward to starting 2011. I really look forward to putting 2010 behind me. It’s been a really rough year. I lost my wife, my father-in-law, my job, a sports contract that I really enjoyed, a lot of my equipment.. well, you get the picture. 2010 sucked!

I know that I have a few more dates to pass through, and I should be okay. Our 28th anniversary is February 14, 2011. Even though we are no longer married, it will still be the 28th anniversary of our marriage. Nothing can change that. But once I get past that date I feel that I will officially be done, and I can move on to whatever is next.

Now I’m trying to figure out what that next life brings.

So back to this past month. The ex had a hysterectomy earlier this month, mostly to prevent something more serious from occurring. And that, of course, means she is no longer on “The Pill”. I’m sorry she had to have the surgery, but I’m very glad she is no longer on the pill. I hope that in her recovery that her hormones will go back to normal, and perhaps she will decide that she made a mistake. I’ve looked at situations that might make it more palatable for a reunion, including selling the house, and buying a bigger house where we could have lots of space for our own.

But I also know that I can’t wait forever.

I took care of the ex right after her surgery. She spent two weeks at the house, and since I now work at home, it was perfect for both of us. I was able to make sure that she got the rest she needed, and I was perfectly happy to take care of her, and be with her. Her family was pleasantly surprised that I would do such a thing, but for me, it was a no-brainer. After all, I still love her. I always will. She is spending the rest of her recovery with her mother, and I will go and pick her up soon so she can return to work, and her apartment, and her life.

One thing that I got from our time together…. I still love her, but I’m over her. Sure, I would love to rekindle the romance, and win her back, but I just don’t think that is going to happen. I’ve thought a lot over the past year about what went wrong, what I might have done differently to keep her in love with me. Maybe I didn’t ask her to dance enough. Maybe she really didn’t like me looking at other women, even though she said she did. Maybe it was my singing love songs in her ear. Who knows? But I do know this: I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to find a new life. I wish I could be with my GF. It is magic when we are together. She loves to just touch me and hold me, something I never really got with the ex. Don’t get me wrong; I still love my ex, but she was never the most romantic person in the world. But my GF is a touch person like me… And I really like her hubby and kid.

Looks like its going to be an interesting 2011.

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