So much for being a good blogger. I’m not even sure that this gets read. But that’s okay… its an outlet for me, and that’s what counts.
I’ve had an adventuresome last couple of weeks. I buried my elderly father (he had been in decline for some time, so this was not unexpected), and I learned some new things about my ex-wife that were rather disconcerting.
I want to tell you about the latter, since it is key to what has happened the last few years.
I had dinner with an old friend that the ex had confided in before she just up and ran away. One of the things she told my friend is that I tried to coerce her to have swinger-type relations… back in the mid 80s, before we had our child. Apparently she told my friend that I withheld having a baby, until she swapped with another couple. I was aghast. I know for a fact that did not happen. For those who remember, the 80s, especially the early and mid 80s were a time of the AIDS scare, and even the thought of having sex was scary, much less doing something extramarital. I will admit that we discussed the subject, but it was to say that it was not a good idea because we did not want to catch something. It was not even brought up again until 1998 when we met a couple in Mexico that educated us on safe sex practices in the lifestyle.
I have no idea where my ex got this idea. None. Now, I will say that she found one of my co-workers rather sexy, and wanted to play with him. She would occasionally flash him at work, and she talked to me about doing something. We discussed it, and I felt safe enough that she and he could play with no repercussions (probably naive on my part, but what the hell). So they did play a few times, and that was the extent of it. We never brought it up again, and there certainly was no withholding a baby unless she played, or let me play.
I asked my friend if she thought that my ex made this up, and my friend was emphatic that this story was true, or at least the ex believed it was true, and she had harbored this resentment for many years. But yet, she never talked to me about it. So therein lies the crux of this story… communication is paramount. My ex held a grudge against me that she never talked about, and it turned out to be a false grudge. It was something that could have easily been cleared up with just a little conversation. But conversation is not her way, or any of the other women in her family. They just suck it up and go on.
My ex’s birthday was also a few weeks back. I sent her flowers, anonymously, but she figured out they were from me. They were her favorite flower, so that made it kind of easy.
I did share with my friend that I was still very much in love with my ex, and I still had hope that someday she would come back. Since I can never really get closure, it will take a very long time for me to be able to move on.