The more that I open my eyes, the more I see how similar my story is to so many others. Today at work, I was working with a contractor, and while we were waiting on a process to finish, we just started talking. He had moved to my community about a year ago, and we talked about lots of stuff, from jobs, to the cities we were in, and it came out that he was divorced too.
This gentleman was one year older than I am, and had also been married for 27 years. His story was identical to mine, in that his wife told him one day that she didn’t want to be married anymore, and left. His was a bit more complicated, as he has a 15 year old daughter, who is living with her mother back in his former town. He said he had no idea why she left, and he still loves her. (Sound familiar?)
In my support group, I’ve heard countless stories that mirror mine… long time marriages ended by the woman for no plausible reason. Men who are in tremendous pain, and women who have moved on and are not looking back, or even cognizant of the fact that the men they left are hurting.
I wish I understood more about this phenomenon, or if there is anything that can be done to save these marriages, or at least prevent some of the pain. One thing is for certain. The women who are leaving their marriages after many years understand that they are hurting their mate, but it seems that they don’t want the responsibility.
My ex told me that she wanted to be happy. Does that mean she was not happy with me? When did she become unhappy? Why wouldn’t she tell me she was unhappy.
So many questions, and so few answers.
But a bit more understanding that I’m not alone.