Oh, those strange dreams… what do they mean

I had the strangest dream last night.  In my dream, my ex-wife was pregnant with her current boyfriend’s baby.  She was reluctant to tell me she was expecting, but somehow I found out, and I also met her boyfriend (in the dream).  I don’t remember every detail of the dream, but I do remember telling the boyfriend that we could have been good friends, if he was not “f***ing” my wife!

The part of what makes this dream so, shall we say, unlikely is that the ex had her hysterectomy two years ago this month.  She had been having some issues for several years, and I knew it would be a matter of time before the gynecologist told her it was time to take out her innards.  So, in December, 2010, 7 months after the divorce was final, she had the surgery.  Because she did not have any family near by, I told her… in fact I insisted that I would be there for her.  I picked her up, and brought her to my house, along with her dog the night before, and I took her to the hospital early in the morning for the surgery.  I stayed with her in post op for most of the day.  I offered to stay over night with her, but she insisted that I go home and sleep in my bed.  i-dont-always-remember-my-dreams

I was there the next morning, and brought her to my home to rest and recuperate.   She thought that she was just going to stay for a day and then go back to her upstairs apartment.  I knew better.  She also thought she would just sleep on my couch, but again, I knew better.  She ended up sleeping on the bed with me.  It was very difficult for me not to just roll over and hold her like I did for so many years, but I kept my space, and let her get her sleep, and recover.  She stayed for two weeks, and then I took her to her mom’s house about 6 hours away, where she spent the rest of her recovery time.

No one I talked to could understand why I took care of her.  After all, she had torn out my heart, and stomped that sucker flat.  Why would I then open up and take care of her?

I can tell you there was never any question that I would take care of her.  After all, she was the woman that I love, and I had no intention of abandoning her in a time of need.  To me, it was the right thing to do.  Sure, I hoped that she would notice, and come home permanently, but that had no bearing on my helping her out.

There is no doubt in my mind that if she called me today and needed my help, I would be there for her. Call me naive, stupid, what you will, but I have 30 years of history with her, and even though she abandoned me, I just can’t abandon her. It’s just the way I am.
I’m happy that she is happy now. I’m happy that she has a new boy friend that makes her happy (although I still want to beat the mother-f***ker up!). And I know that someday I will be happy.
I think about her often, and when I do, or I see her picture, my heart skips a beat (of course, that could be the medication). It’s hard to let go of 30 years of history with someone you love. And yes, I still love her deeply, even though she did “rip out my heart and stomp that sucker flat”.

Dreams are funny things. And the memories they evoke can be very interesting too.

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