Do you really know your spouse (ex)?

It’s been a very strange weekend.  I’ve had some nightmares about my ex.  I don’t remember all the details, but I do remember waking up with a start. 

The dreams got me to thinking about how much I didn’t have in common with my ex.  I loved her deeply (still do), but we really had very little we liked to do together.  (and sometimes I wonder if she really enjoyed the things she said she did).

When we were dating, I was a radio announcer, and called high school football and basketball games. She knew up front that this was a passion of mine, and I wanted her to join me. She didn’t have to do anything, but I always wanted her to come with me on my trips. When we dated, she went on a few trips with me, but slept all the way up, slept through the game and slept on the way back. I learned that she had absolutely no desire to go to sporting events. That should have been a red flag!

Dam at Garner State ParkWhen I was younger, we both enjoyed camping, and in fact did that many times. After I hurt my back, camping became something that I did not enjoy, but she still did. I tried to compromise by getting a trailer, and that seemed to work, but she still preferred sleeping in a tent. I convinced her to join a womens camping group, which she did.

I did tell her that I would like to go camping with her one time, just a weekend for the two of us. She made the plans for a late March campout at a state park she used to go to as a kid. I was really looking forward to this, as it would be a time for us to reconnect, and spend some quality time together (this was post separation, and pre-divorce). The plans were made, the date was set, and then she invited her sister, and the rest of the whole damned family to join us there.

“Are you effing kidding me!!!”Garner State Park

There went my weekend. Now don’t get me wrong. I love her sister and her family. But during that time, they had a young toddler that was a screamer. A very loud very intense screamer. There would be no sleeping during this campout, for the entire state park!! Then her parents, and aunts and uncles came out. They didn’t camp, but they did stay for most of the day. I was mad. This was supposed to be our weekend, and she hijacked it. Looking back, I wonder if she ever had any intentions of camping alone with me.

I did get some great photos that weekend (some are posted here), and she even flashed me a few times (yes, I have photos of that, too!), but the weekend that I hoped for did not come to fruition. I told her that I wanted to go camping again, this time just the two of us, but that never happened, as she told me she wanted a divorce only 9 months later.

I often wonder just how much of the things I enjoyed she went along with, and never really cared for. I know that I at least was honest if I didn’t enjoy something… but while tent camping was not my favorite thing, I did enjoy experiencing it with her, and wish I could do it again.

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