Definition of love… its a Venus-Mars thing.

Someone sent me a link from E-Harmony, the internet dating site, that had to do with actress Mariel Hemingway. It seems that she divorced her husband of many years, and has found a new love.
Mariel HemingwayYou can read her entire posting here. Instead of thinking “way to go, Mariel!”, my only thought was “well, hell, you selfish bitch… you gave up on your marriage instead of finding a way to make it work.

For instance, in her post on EHarmony, Ms. Hemingway states: “The years shifted our love into loyalty, compassion, and deep friendship.” I call BULLSHIT!! Maybe it was her love that shifted, but I’d bet dollars to donuts that his love never shifted… it was always about loyalty, compassion and friendship, because that is what love is. Admit it, Mariel, you fell out of lust, and weren’t capable of loving him. You just want someone to rock your world, and you will “fall out of love” with your new beau too.

Sure, there are some real jerks (both men and women) out there, that really don’t “love” people, they are just out to use the other sex for their benefit. But I’ve come to the conclusion that men and women, especially the older they get, have polar opposite views on what a loving relationship should be.

I’m not sure that I understand what is going on in the female mind, but I can tell you what has gone on in my mind over the years. (I can already hear the snarky comments!) Love is something that develops. Two people fall in lust first. Those first five years (or so) they are learning about each other, and getting used to each other, and ultimately falling in love. That’s what happened to me. I admit it. I wanted to get into my exes pants, and over the years that emotion never waned, but I fell truly in love with her. Even after the lust wore off, I was able to appreciate every part of her, even the bad stuff. But instead of her working to keep her marriage alive, she just gave up, and wanted to get the lust back, or as she told a friend, the magic.

Well, I got news for both my ex and Mariel. You got it wrong. You are both selfish. And you need to grow up and realize that you are hurting people around you.

6 thoughts on “Definition of love… its a Venus-Mars thing.

  1. This is my struggle. I’m much like your ex-wife and Mariel. I understand your point, but I was not fulfilled anymore. The definition of love for me got blurry. And even though I’m loyal, compassionate and friendly toward him, I no longer want to live with him and share a bed. I don’t know what the right answer is for people like me, your ex and Mariel, but apparently we’ve all chosen the same option. And if they’re like me, it really hurts to leave the husband behind.

      • My husband probably doesn’t know either. With me, I had grieved the end of the marriage for months before I ever said anything to him. By the time I told him, I was no longer sad. I was relieved. Maybe your ex was the same; she hurt before the marriage officially ended rather than after, like you. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope to see you start a new, very positive chapter soon.

  2. hmmm. I don’t know. I, too was horribly discarded after many years, and since then my Ex has found someone else to marry and has started a new life. I don’t want him back, though, and I no longer love him — just wanted to put things in context. When I first read this post I thought that you were coming from a very personal place that would prohibit you seeing Mariel’s situation as a positive thing. I know this place. I’m in a different place now, but it does involve a healthy amount of skepticism of any kind of romantic love — new or old. But I’ve read how you’ve been so badly hurt so I thought that was the problem. However, when I read Mariel’s original post (and by the way, I really like her), I got your point. There was something disconcerting about it. I can’t really put my finger on it. Something doesn’t sound quite right. And I was a bit offended or at least felt a bit uncomfortable reading it. I don’t think that trying to explain what happened in her marriage and talking about a new business and diet gave the marriage the respect it and her husband seems to be due. I don’t know. Something wasn’t quite right. It’s not about blaming or shaming her, she is reportedly in love and that’s good for her. But geez it doesn’t speak well of marriage to hear her explanation. And if she was “done” — I get it. I know, believe me I know — it happens, It happened to my ex-husband, and by default, to me. But her explanation of why — was — uncomfortable. Silence would have been better, I think.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.

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