Well, maybe I’m not as bad as that sounds, but it does bring up a good point.
I’ve been divorced now for over 3.5 years, and in less than one month it will be 4 years from the day she told me she wanted out of our 27 year marriage.
As you know, she moved away from our town, met a guy on a biker dating site, and married him this year. She has taken long trips with him on their Harley (something she never wanted to do with me on my Gold Wing).
I understand that she never really loved me, that our marriage was a sham, but it doesn’t lessen my feelings for her. I still love her, and I always will love her.
My friends all tell me that I have to forget her, and I have to move on (am I being redundant here?). But its not easy.
I have no doubt that I can’t love again. After all, I have a lover, someone that I care very deeply about, and I hope she will be with me for the rest of our lives. I’m not sure her husband will allow us to continue to be a triad, though. I’m moving back into my home, after living with them for the past year (something I really don’t want to do, but three adults and a teenager just make it too hard on everyone, so moving is the right thing to do). I just don’t know how its going to work when I want her to spend the night, and its no longer in their home. She knows how much I still love my ex, but I hope that she knows how much I love her.
And I know that I am more than capable of loving someone else, a primary, if you will. But I don’t know how that person would handle my current lover, or the love I have for my ex wife. And quite frankly I’m not willing to risk losing her.
When I was in counseling, my counselor told me that the average time to get over a divorce was from 0.5 to 1.5 times the length of the marriage. Well, that means that the average would be from 13.5 years, to 41 years. It’s only been 3.5, and I think I’m making good progress, but have a long way to go. I’d like to think I’m ahead of the curve because I have a loving partner, but I know that I have a long way to go.
And so the adventure continues.