When people find out I’ve been divorced for almost 5 years, they all ask me why I’m not dating. They don’t understand that I’m just not ready.
I was with my ex for 30 years, from the time we dated, until the time she left me. That is over half my life. 3 wonderful decades, with tons of memories, some good and some bad.
I am constantly reminded of those memories with just little things. Sometimes it will be a song on the radio. Sometimes it will be a discussion about something totally off the wall.
The problem is, I’m still always reminded of her, no matter what.

Her move to Las Vegas is now less than one month away.

I was finally able to tell her why I did not fight for her, and how I wish I had at least tried to do something different.  I wish I could have at least been in the right frame of mind when she told me she wanted a divorce, but that was a week of multiple shocks, and I had essentially shut down.  My 20/20 hindsight suggested that what I should have done was offer to walk away from the house we had lived in for many years, pack up enough stuff to survive, and go on an adventure.

But there is no point in beating myself up.  What is done is done, and I can’t fix it.  She elected to move on 10 years ago.. it just took her 5 to pull the plug.

I just wish my friends could understand exactly what I’m going through emotionally every day.