You’ve heard of the poison pill, right? It’s a business tactic used by a company threatened with an unwelcome takeover bid to make itself unattractive to the bidder.
Well, I seem to have taken the poison pill myself with my former girlfriend, and I’m not sure if its a good move or not.
Let me try to explain.
Two weeks ago, I had some work done by a fellow member of the Burner community. Up until he showed up at my doorstep, I had never met him. I had seen his girlfriend at an event, but we had never been introduced (btw, I did not know who his girlfriend was until after we met). So other than being burners, we had no reason for our paths to cross. This is important because of what he related to me as we got to know each other.
As we were talking, we discussed our respective relationships, and how they had soured. He had one go bad, and as you readers know, so have I! He told me a story about an encounter at a local bar that was very strange, especially since he knew that the girl in the story was poly. (Details are not important, therefore I am leaving them out).
I then relayed a few stories of mine, and shared a photo of the ex girlfriend (M, for those who have been following my blog), and he immediately reacted with “So you are that guy!”
He then told me that the local bar story was about her, and “T”. And he also proceeded to tell me everything that he saw at the last Burning Man, including the observation that “M” and “T” were inseparable the entire time, despite “M” telling me and her hubby that they only saw each other a few times during the event. He also told me that “T” was bragging to his friends about finally getting me out of the picture, and her hubby was next on his list. Needless to say, I had a lot of emotions after hearing this. I felt anger because now I knew that “T” had purposely sabotaged my relationship. I felt vindication because I had suspected this for some time, and now knew it was not my fault, and I felt sadness because the hubby had no clue.
Well, here is where I may have made a big mistake. I decided to tell hubby what I had learned. I only got through a little of the story, and he got mad, and didn’t want to hear anymore, and said he didn’t believe it. And then he went home and told “M’ everything I said. She of course denied that it ever happened, and he was satisfied with her answer. This was on a Wednesday night. On Thursday, she posted the photo on the right to her Facebook and immediately blocked me (I was able to get this screen shot from another friend). I didn’t find out that I was blocked until Friday, when I tried to go to her page to wish her a happy birthday. At first I was mad, then sad because she had booted me out of her life.
But the more I think about it, the more I think this is good for me. I had hoped that I could actually get back in her life, despite all that has happened. Despite knowing how much I have been hurt in this, and knowing that “T” was still in the picture and continuing to manipulate “M”. I feel very sorry for hubby, because I see the pain he is going to experience soon. Another friend related this to me when I was telling her the story. She said, “She doesn’t see things they way you are seeing it. It isn’t her reality. So in her eyes you are attacking (her) or making things up.”
And I have to admit, I do wondered if the story was made up. I wonder if I was indeed a poisonous person. But then I ask myself why would this essentially-a-stranger lie to me? And since I had heard stories about “T” from other sources, I had no reason to think otherwise. One of “T”‘s good friends had told me that it was not “T”‘s fault, that other things had happened. When I told the repair person this, he told me there was a very good reason for that… the good friend was not just a good friend, but has feelings for “T”, and was trying to protect him. (And I can now see that).
Now I am trying to figure out if I was wrong to tell hubby. I care for him, and I don’t ever want him to be hurt, but it seems that my telling him has done exactly that. I still think there is malice afoot, but now “M” knows there are people watching, and I would assume she will cover her steps carefully. Someone else told me that if they had been relayed such a story, they would not have done anything as rash as “M”, but would have contacted the person to get the rest of the details, and tell the person why it was untrue. That person also felt that “M” is definitely trying to cover her tracks.
All I know is, I’ve lost a friend. A dear friend that I really cared for and loved. She’s not ever coming back. And I may have also lost the friendship of her hubby, who I also consider a dear friend.
My ex wife admitted to me the other day why she didn’t like poly. She felt there was too much drama in life to add the drama of a poly relationship. I’m not so sure I don’t agree with her.